Safe distance, please!

It took two weeks for India to inject religion into a virus – Daniel Fernandes, Indian Comic artist (source: Instagram)

For a country with population bursting at its seams, Social Distancing is an alien concept. But you know what, we, Indians, have been doing it. Yes, we got thrashed and broke few saucepans and spoons, before learning it the hard way but we finally did it. Despite, working from homes, we wake up early in the morning, put on our masks, wash our hands and are off to the market. The shops are open at 5 am and close as early as 6 pm. In India, this concept is new. We are used to having our first cup of tea and coffee at 7 am. But look, what’s the Government’s done to us. We don’t hug each other anymore but say “Namastey” or  “Hi” depending on the time of the day. We wash our legs and hands and then send Whatsapp forwards to each other about our culture. The same culture that we banished and left our homes to work overseas—Australia, USA, Canada—we are everywhere. We now worry about our relatives there. India is the best, our slogans say. Our heat is our pride and that will kill this rigid and stubborn Corona—an agent sent to destroy us.

No, we haven’t stopped there. Our patriotism is now monetized. Our broadcasting and communication ministry have come up with wonderful ideas! They have begun telecasting the Indian epics Ramayana and Mahabharatha. So what, if you cannot go to the nearest temple. The temple will come to you. And, there we are battling with Netflix and Prime with our superpowers: Our religion. Oops!

All’s not well in our battle here. We have introduced religion here too and we are fighting with our pesky neighbours who have brought the Corona with them from other muslim-dominated cities and countries! How dare they? Isn’t mob lynching and forceful feeding not enough? Do you want a sip of Gowmutra (Pee of a cow)? It cures Corona, don’t you know?

So while the beaches in other countries are seeing masked men and women in their bikini wear, we are busy shaming them all. “These foreigners will never listen, no?” First, they pollute our world and then they, infect us with viruses.

Ban Chinese products! We type and send on our iPhones to all our relatives, waiting with their itchy fingers on their mobiles.

/This is written for a Mooc course I am doing/